I was so nervous this past week about the pictures from the photo shoot being a disaster, and imagining I would really hate them. I was awaiting the tears this morning, and sure enough, by the afternoon, they arrived.
They, of course, could be worse, but they’re definitely not my favourite. I am so critical of myself, and I feel the downward spiral coming on; I just sit here and wonder why on earth I entered, why did I think I could do this? I’m not a model, I don’t know what I’m doing, and everyone else will know that and vote for someone else.
I was very sad to see that my scar (which it was suggested I put no make-up on) was removed via photo shop in some of the pictures, but not in others; a strange thing to do.
It’s a horrible scar down my left arm, and it has taken me years to come to terms with – but I decided to be brave, and bare it to the world in the photos. It’s a part of me – you wouldn’t photo shop out someone’s birth mark, or dimples…would you? Maybe they would, I’m not a professional model, so I don’t know. It was very hard to look at these photos, and know someone had chosen to alter me by removing my scar, but not push that little squidge of fat back in (caused by the side of my bra) – which frankly, I would have much preferred.
Other than the (in my opinion, just on my figure) unflattering bra I am wearing (which by the way, is the very pretty Lottie bra, and would look fab on a bigger breasted girl), I did very much like the photo where I am laughing. I can’t remember what it was, but I think Hannah made me laugh very loud, and a picture was taken just at that moment. It’s so natural, and typical me to be laughing my head off – so I felt it really captured my personality just in that moment.
I’m trying to be honest, and let my feelings out; it has just been one of those days. This year, it’s possible to see which people have voted for you for Star in a Bra. That also means that we can see which friends have voted (which sadly can generate a number of hurt feelings within groups).
As someone who has suffered with self-confidence issues, and insecurity, I don’t really feel it’s healthy for me to hang on to all these negative thoughts. I think it’s important I say these things, in order to move forward. The most wonderful and important thing that has come out of this competition for me, are some really quite incredibly amazing friends. While all the girls do seem lovely, there are three particular girls I have gotten to know so well, and been so close with; I honestly think the world of them – Georgina Horne, Lizzie Haines, and Astrid Lopez. I couldn’t have done this without them, they are truly fabulous women. If you don’t decide to vote for me, then please consider voting for one of them.
Also, here is the video, so you can have a more personal look at all the lovely contestants.
Star in a Bra 2011